Crying

Needless to say, depression comes with bouts of crying and the last couple of weeks have been no exception.

I’ve been crying about a lot of things but mostly because I think my second marriage is crumbling right under my feet and there seems to be nothing I can do about it.

It’s a horrible feeling.  My first marriage crumbled and I just had no idea what was going on.  I clung to it desperately because we don’t get divorced in my family.  Also, because he was my best friend at the time.  And because he is the father of my child.

This time, maybe because I went through it once already, feels like I’m a mere observer.  I know what’s gonna happen next.  And it breaks my heart, but I also know the peace that comes after a divorce.  The joy of picking up the pieces and regaining independence.

I’m not advocating for divorce, but this time around, as much as I love my husband, it feels easier to let go… and it’s a scary feeling.

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